Monday, February 15, 2010

Happy Belated Valentine's Day

Well I am only a day late.. I guess but what does Valentine's Day really have to do with anything? For me it was a day about reconnecting. I guess over all these pasts few months have been a lot about reconnecting. Reconnecting with myself, my spouse, my kids, my friends, my education and my goals and in some cases my reconnection with myself has led to a disconnecting with others.

My husband and I had been contemplating divorce in a very serious manner. So much so that we had seriously disconnected with each other and both thought that a new year would mean new lives for us both, apart from each other. I figured I would get over it and so would he. It is amazing what a few months can do to change your life.

Our marriage had been in a destructive mode for quite a few years and V-day has not been on the top of my list. Last year was pretty disastrous in that we had a very very traumatic incident that lead to a holiday get away to try to reconnect.. which didn't really work .. which then led to more disconnect. Neither of us saw how we could make a future with each other, truth be told I am not sure if either of us wanted to.

It's so hard to see the LOVE for another person when you feel blinded by pain and disappointment.

My husband came to me a few days ago, the day before Valentine's day, and told me that he has to remind himself why he loves me and appreciates me more because I am a great woman. At first I was a bit put out by this... I mean honestly I AM GREAT!!! Right? But then it made me smile and helped me connect with him even more, because I feel the same way about him. Its really easy for me to see the flaws in my husband and his varying short comings in life. I mean those ARE the things that make me wanna break his hand in 4 different places, makes me wanna have deeper understanding heartwarming conversations with him. I mean we are NOT newlyweds. This has become old and repetitive at times. But this time Valentine's day was rewarding.

My husband made an effort. The man sent me flowers while I was at my internship. It was a huge surprise and although i am not much of a flower gal the IDEA of his effort and his actions are what endured me to him even more. He DID instead of trying. It was not rocket sience nor was it a huge money deal but it was breath taking love on his part. I was so happy to acknowledge his effort and action and that has made my husband feel loved.

I am learning to LOVE him how he needs it which makes him want to love me in the manner in which I need it. This is defiantly a learning experience but I think I am looking forward to next years Valentine's day even more.

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